constacia etoho

Have you ever felt anxiety, fear, and depression at the same time and you just wanted to shut down everything around you?

Constancia Etoho, Equatorial Guinea

Have you ever felt anxiety, fear, and depression at the same time and you just wanted to shut down everything around you?

Well, this was me while living in my country and my first two years living in the U.S. During my time living in my country, I had the privilege of experiencing a good primary, secondary, and high school surrounded by people I love most in life, my family, friends, and others. My biggest challenge was how to let my life began when I enter at the University in my Country in the area of petroleum engineering which has a course of three years. During that time, I never thought that someday I’ll go abroad to study because my family has no means to a foreign education, my only option by this time was to get in the University in my country for my first and most oved major, petroleum engineering. Later on, I realized that the program was good, but the problem was to work or do internship in any company operating in that area of study.

I liked the program, it was what I most loved, but during the battle to stick with it or opt for something else kept me in a depression and restless anxiety. Every time I went year after year, I was thinking on what I will do after graduation and that got me more nerved. I couldn’t focus on something specific and my anxiety was greater in finding something to guide me more firmness, quiet, and beneficial to me. At the end of my second year of the career, I took my first trip to Venezuela, being there I realized that the major was medicine, I had no option to change and decided to return back home because I had not vocation on it. I was still in my knot. I felt trapped in myself and my thoughts and I just wanted to shut myself down and everything around me.

Anxiety was the danger of my mind. Anxiety is something that consume you inside and when it is coupled with the depression and fear, it deeper you into your thoughts, and you can only think the worst and feel that you’re not good for anything or you are not made for this world. It is every time seeking for something that makes you feel complete, part of something or someone. When I was able to go to the US, I took it as more opportunity that life gives to me and that it is never good to stop fighting for what you want in this life. I arrived in Seattle, Washington state and things began to change. In my first two years, I felt out of orbit. But things began to improve after all. I started to adapt to the U.S. system and my struggle search began to diminish. I focused on my studies and now I am progressing in the career of business economics. I started to be that of a girl in search of improve herself and it began to be a girl that would like to help others have the things they want in life and to improve them. My lack of economic means and others, made my anxiety grows more and more, but the joy for me in all this is that my anxiety went from bad to the good. I feel fear some times which is normal, but I never felt depressed again.

I recently graduated with Associate Degree in Business at South Seattle College and Majoring in Economic Science at Washington State University.

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